On this day, it was wonderful. No rain, but cloudy and warm. I walked on the the left side of the road that day, heading to the house of a friend. But no matter how nice the weather was, it didn’t change the fact that my family were in desperate need of small and simple things. Things such as water to drink and clean ourselves with, along with rice to cook for dinner and feed us all. Further more, we needed money to pay for the rent. The things we needed were simple. We just needed water, food, and a secure shelter.

Two weeks without a shower and no longer were there any clean water to drink; Nothing but chaos for our bodies and mind. On the way, I thought about different stories of my family’s past, looking for some comfort in my lonely walk. I hoped to ease the pain I felt as the burden of responsibility for my family weighed heavily on my shoulders. I thought back to how relatives and friends came to me and suggested that I go to another country for employment. They believed it was the best way I could support my family and the twenty-six kids who we were taking care of. I refused to believe that that was the only solution.

It didn’t bother me knowing the fact that I would have to walk about three hours to get to my friend’s house. My will and my hope to get help was strong enough to urge me on that path. So with that, my imagination surged forward.

‘Where is mom?’

The question I ask more than twenty times each day, especially in the darkest times of my life. But there she was. She who contacted the living God from her prayer room. And her prayer room, the place where neighbors threw their trash at night time, which was close by the railroad. It really makes you think, doesn’t it? Only some people, like my mother, are willing to get dirty to be able to get cleansed spiritually by God.

The kids, my parents, and my sisters were so dry, dark, and skinny. I knew that we all needed nutritious meals and enough clean water. But where could we get those? Our resources were limited, and it seemed like we almost wouldn’t make it.

The land lords never allowed us to rent after six months of contract. Sometimes, it was because of our extra large family; Too much kids worshiping the same living God. It was hard enough to pay at times, and on a few occasions, we would still need to pay double rent. But now, if we couldn’t pay by the next two days, we would have needed to move somewhere else!

Where were my friends? Where were my relatives? I needed their help desperately, but my mom would always say, “No, we don’t,” and she usually continued by saying,”Look at the above, not the problem.”

Morning and afternoon, we would follow what my mom had said; We didn’t ask for help and looked for our own meals.

The mornings were taken care of by my father, who went to the market to get free vegetables left to be thrown away.

The kids and the other parents also helped, as they would always take time from their afternoon on the roadside to scavenge and forage for some good-to-eat vegetables.

Even though the thought of going to work abroad was something I didn’t agree with, there was one evening where I seemed to lose all hope in myself. But without making any rash decisions, I sought wisdom from my dad. That evening, I asked, “Should I go abroad for employment, so I can support all of you here?”

To which my father replied,”You have clear vision and call, even if you go abroad for employment, God will bring you back home with bigger storms.”

And my mom continued, “Remember, the story of Jonah? There is no where to run from God,” She said. “No one is around us in the darkest hours of our life, but if we continue with faith, He will rescue us for his purpose. We need to be like Job. As for us, as parents, we are so blessed you serve the Lord.”

My mom always hoped for a better life year after years, praying in her prayer place, where she remained unseen. Six years and still, nothing had changed in our lives.

All my thoughts came to a stop when I realized I had already arrived to my friend’s house.

I knocked on the door.

My friend opened and welcomed me in. As I entered his house, I asked him for help. I had hoped as much as I could, but I didn’t receive any good news.

Before I left, I drank a cup of water and set afoot back home, restarting those three hours all over again. But after about forty minutes, I sat on a rock at the bus stand as the need to talk to God overwhelmed me.

“God, my father, now my family must move from our house if we don’t have the rent, and we do not know where to go. I don’t know where I can get the rent or a proper meal to feed everybody. My children are sick, hungry, thirsty, and need to clean themselves. We need your help, Lord. How can I lead and nurture these beautiful children without you? You keep so silent, Lord… I need the wisdom that you gave to Solomon. I need the vision that you gave to David,” I prayed.

In my head, God showed me the story of Moses and the people of Israel.

‘Forty years in the desert!’ I remembered. A two week journey but forty years…

And after Moses came the story of Abraham!

“Praise God, thanks be to God! But please Lord,” I whispered. “Not that long.”

The weight on my shoulders, gone. I felt refreshed. I wasn’t tired, but I had needed to walk about two hours more to get home…

The next day, the land lord brought some young men and threw out all our blankets, the kid’s clothes, the kitchenware, etc.

The kids were crying.

My mother and sisters kept all of them safe, but they couldn’t says words to encourage the kids because even they had tears flowing down on their faces as well.

At noon, we carried all our stuff and went to the nearest bus stand. When we arrived, we let go of the materials and let them drop on the dirty floors of the bus stand.

We all sat.

Silence clung over us like wet tissues. Even the kids were silent as they looked from one adult to the other.

But all kept quiet. All our words seemed to be stuck at our throats and they refused to be spoken.

Now four in the afternoon, I left the bus stand and headed towards no particular location. I just needed some time and an even heavier silence by myself.

As I walked back, I saw my family looking at me with hope and excitement to hear good news from me.

It almost broke my heart that I had no news, but I still tried to smile. I told them to pray and that God would send His angels to us.

At six, it started to get dark.

My baby girl asked me where we would sleep. I was going to carry her all night. Her bed would be my back.

My dad saw someone riding bikes from afar. I wonder sometimes. How did my father see them with his farsighted vision?

“I look up to the mountains-

does my help comes from there?

My help comes from the Lord, who make heaven and earth!”

Psalms 121:1-2